So, here's the thing.... I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind. Maybe I'm just at a high stress point in my life, I don't know.
Anyway. I'm twenty. Almost twenty-one. I have no set plans for my future. I used to think that was okay. You know, being young, letting things just kind of happen and fall into place. Not really caring about the what I do and blah, blah, blah. But, guess what? That's not okay anymore. I woke up one day and was so unbelievably depressed. Like, what the fuck, man? What have I being doing these THREE YEARS since high school? Nothing. That's what.
So, I was talking to some people a few weeks ago, and you know what we decided that I should do? You'll never believe it. Backpack to California, or New Mexico, or Arizona or some shit, and look for an old 1960s style commune. Yeah. Right. There is a great fucking idea. Every have those moments when you just sit back and think, after sitting back and thinking, and you say to yourself, "Man, I smoke far too much pot." I had one of those moments.
Some time went on, and, I remembered that I used to be really interested in the military. I never really thought about what I wanted to do or which branch I wanted to be in, so I kind of let the idea slide. But, now that I'm older, and I don't really have much else going on, I started thinking about it again. I have friends in the military. I have friends that have already served. They all seem fine. With the sign-on bonuse I could pay off all of my bills (being a drug addict has a tendency to make some bills pile up, which you don't realize until after you quit). Hell, I'd even have enough for a new vehicle. And I'd get to travel, meet new people, do different things. Not to mention, it would be a great way to get into shape. Its only a few years, and I'll learn a lot and experince some things that will help me in life.
I know what I want out of life. One day I'd like to open a cafe. Maybe work on designing clothes on a larger scale. Baking. Writing. I just want to combine them all. And the way things are going right now, thats not going to happen anytime soon. I need to just focus.
Because of all of these conflicting choices in my life, I haven't really been thinking clearly about day to day things. Hence my chopping all of my hair off after trying for months to grow it out. I don't know, I guess I'm just going to look into some more things, and, I don't know.
Welcome to my blog.